God’s Sovereignty in the Midst of an Unexpected Crisis

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or understand, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.

Ephesians 3:20-21

A Mundane Monday

Monday, September 19, 2022 was just a normal day. Perry was home since Mondays were his Saturdays at UPS, and I was at work. Four days earlier, Perry turned 31. I’d been feeling guilty that week for not planning a party or doing much to celebrate. We ate at Double Dogs with my parents on his birthday. The next day we saw Joan Jett in concert, though that was more for my benefit than his. We ate at Aubrey’s with my grandparents, and on Monday, we planned to meet his parents at Pizza Inn. Still, I just felt like I wasn’t in a great mood and was having a hard time getting motivated. I wrote in my Bible study journal that I hoped he knew how much I loved and appreciated him.

I met my dad for lunch, and while I was there, Perry texted me a screen shot of a 1940s retro stove he found on Facebook Marketplace. It was a crazy busy day at work, as most of them were, so I left the office later than I meant to. I tried calling Perry to tell him I was on my way, but he didn’t answer. I assumed he was driving Huey Lewis, our 1986 diesel engine Blazer, and just couldn’t hear his phone. Since he didn’t answer, I responded to my cousin’s latest Marco Polo, and I remember telling her that I felt guilty because I just felt off. I was so blessed and everyone I loved most in the world was happy and healthy, so I shouldn’t feel sad. I had no idea that a piece of me was almost dead as I spoke.

A Tragedy Strikes

When I got to Pizza Inn and walked in, his parents were sitting at a table near the entrance. I asked if they’d heard from him and they said no. I went outside to call again. When I didn’t get him, I opened my home security app. Panic started to set in. Our indoor camera was on the ground so that we could see our pets but so that if we forgot to turn it off while we were home, hackers couldn’t see us. My heart sank in a way I’d never felt before. Perry was there, right in front of the camera, with his head rolling back and forth across his chest. I called out to him, and he responded, “Hello? Hello?”

I immediately called 911 and told them I didn’t know what was wrong but that my husband was nearly unconscious at home. I ran back inside to get my keys, told his parents something was wrong, got in my car, and called my mom. She was home, which meant she was just a few minutes from him. I hysterically asked her to go to our house. I hung up and prayed. “Lord, keep him safe, protect him, please let me get there without wrecking.” In the midst of panic, I was constantly reminded of God’s sovereignty.

Mom called when she got to the house and I heard her calling Perry’s name, trying to get him to wake up. She put me on speaker and I said his name. He started saying hello again and looking for me. I hung up as I was about to turn onto our road, because I knew I would lose cell service. I quickly called my Grandma who also lives nearby and told her through sobs that something was wrong with Perry and to please pray.

A Kindness of God

In God’s sovereignty, I made it home without wrecking. I got from the Pizza Inn on Clinton Highway to Anderson County in less time than the ambulance. When I pulled into the driveway, I got out of the car, kicked my heels off, and ran inside. I will never forget the look in Perry’s eyes, as if he wondered why I hadn’t been there sooner and what was happening to him. He kept saying, “I can’t feel my legs, I can’t feel my legs.” His face was drooping on one side, his right arm was numb, and he couldn’t feel his right leg.

A Lack of Urgency

I put Lani, our rescue mutt, in the bathroom because I knew she wouldn’t like the EMTs if they ever arrived. Two men finally walked in, and I’ve never seen people move with such a lack of purpose. They wandered through the door and stood over Perry. I’d never witnessed anyone having a stroke, but I knew immediately when I saw Perry that’s what was happening. I imagine these two had some preconceived notions about why a 31 year old male was experiencing a medical crisis.

They finally loaded him onto a stretcher chair to carry him down our deck stairs and got him on a regular stretcher. There was still no sense of urgency, and they made sure to tell me I couldn’t ride in the ambulance with him. When asked where I wanted them to take him, I said, “Not Methodist, so I guess Parkwest.” Then they told me my options were UT or Fort Sanders. Perry worked at UT Medical for eight years, so that’s what I chose.

In the meantime, Grandma and Grandpa got there and thankfully had a jacket in their car, since I would wear it for the next two weeks straight. I sent a message to the group chat with the ladies at our church (which we’d just joined a few months prior). Mom and I followed the ambulance to the hospital. I cried out to God, “You are sovereign; You are all powerful; You are in control. Please protect Perry.” We arrived at the same time as the ambulance without speeding. When I walked to the door to meet Perry on the stretcher, one medic coldly informed me I’d need to go in the front door. Clearly, I was impressed by these paramedics. (Let the reader understand.)

An Out of Body Experience

I went inside and checked in at the front desk. The lady told me they’d call me when I could go back. I stood off to the side while family, friends, and church members trickled in. It was all a blur, and I was trying to just pray and keep some composure. I finally went back to the desk and a man seemed shocked that someone hadn’t already taken me to Perry. I was so relieved to be with him, though the news I received was not relieving. The CT scan showed a massive stroke. Too much damage had already been done. There was nothing they could do to help him other than try to prevent another stroke. Perry had that same searching, desperate look in his eyes. He struggled to answer any questions other than telling him his name was Perry.

A Glimpse Into God’s Sovereignty

It’s difficult to describe how I felt in that moment. As Christians, God promises us His supernatural peace that passes all understanding. The Holy Spirit dwells within us when we repent and believe in Christ, but until you face a life-altering tragedy, it’s hard to understand how or what that means. As I stood beside my husband who laid in a hospital bed vulnerable, confused, and weak, learning that life would likely never be the same for either of us, I was calm.

I was able to smile and thank the doctors and tell Perry everything was going to be okay. There is nothing inside of me that could muster this type of response. The man I had loved since I was 15 years old — the other piece of me — had lost half of his brain cells. He couldn’t walk or talk or lift his arm. And yet I felt God’s overwhelming presence. I trusted His sovereignty.

The next day on Facebook I wrote:

I can’t help but wish I’d checked the camera sooner, called him more times, come home earlier, etc. Yet in my head I know that God is sovereign and He knew before He laid the foundation of the earth that Perry would have a stroke on September 19, 2022. He knew exactly when I would leave work, when I’d check the camera, and when the ambulance would arrive. He knew who his doctors would be, and He knows what the future holds. I am obviously praying for a speedy and full recovery, but we trust that God will work it all out for our good and His glory because we are in Him.

A Whirlwind Night

We eventually moved from triage to an ICU room. I sat with him as they hooked him up to monitors and IVs and took several vials of blood for tests to try to determine what caused the stroke. My mom eventually got to come in, and at about 10:20 p.m., a hospital worker came in and bluntly stated that visiting hours ended at 10:00. No one said anything to me about the visitor policy and thankfully I was not well-versed in ICU policy. I panicked a little inside but tried to remain calm. The one time I’d gone out to the restroom, Perry gave me the saddest, most scared look I’ve ever seen. I was terrified of what he’d feel when I had to leave overnight.

I told Perry that I was going to be just outside his room and that the doctors would call me if he needed me. His eyes immediately widened and he looked desperate and scared, like he was wondering why I was leaving him. I kissed him and told him I’d see him soon. I wandered down a hall and found a large waiting room that was vacant. It looked like it had been used as a triage area. I tried to sleep for a couple of hours and kept waking up with a pit in my stomach. Have you ever woken up and known instantly that something was wrong, but it takes a second for you to remember what? That’s how I felt.

A Plea for Mercy

After a couple of hours, I called ICU to check on Perry. They said he was “a little restless” but doing okay. I told them that I understood they had a policy against overnight visitors but that my absence was negatively impacting his care, as he was not restless when I was with him. The nurse told me that I needed to stay home and that she would call if anything changed. She was shocked when I told her I was not home and there was no way I was going home. I was just upstairs and I would be at UT Medical Center as long as my husband was there.

She insisted that I needed to go home and rest. I told her again that I appreciated her concern and that I sympathize with the work they do and that they have policies for a reason, but I asked if I could please speak to someone else to make my case. The nurse manager reluctantly agreed to ask her boss to call me, but that they never go against protocol. My mom and Perry’s parents were in the room with me and we all immediately started praying that God would soften their hearts and cause them to allow me to be with Perry.

An Answered Prayer

Not five minutes later, the nurse manager called me back to tell me that if she was in my shoes, she would be a mess and would want to be with him, so she was going to allow me to spend the night in Perry’s room. This was one of the first specific answers to prayer I remember. When I got to his room, Perry and I were both so relieved. It was like I could feel his emotions. He couldn’t communicate with words, but my heart felt what he felt.

A Supernatural Union

The one flesh union became more and more obvious over the coming days. Knowing what another person is thinking and feeling without them saying a word is truly a gift from God, and I don’t think I’d ever realized just how in tune with one another we were. Perry and I are polar opposites in so many ways, that it didn’t make sense for us to have that kind of connection. Yet, we read in God’s Word that when He joins a man and woman together in marriage, they become one flesh.

And the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh.

Mark 10:8

A Fork in the Road

For Perry and I, September 19, 2022 marked a fork in the road. We had two choices, because turning back was not an option. In God’s sovereignty, He chose to allow Perry to suffer a massive stroke four days after his 31st birthday. Perry and I could respond by wringing our hands and questioning God or we could respond by trusting Him and thanking Him for what He was going to do.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.

Romans 8:28

Only by God’s sovereignty and grace did we choose the latter. We are humans, so we have moments of temptation to give in to our fleshly desire to feel sorry for ourselves or wonder why us, but God has been kind and merciful to allow those moments to be fleeting. It is only through His strength that we are able to put away that which is not of Him and to be mindful of the Enemy’s lies. We are encouraged by His Word and His promises, which never fail.